I respect your decision to stay at home. My husband and I are yet to be blessed with children. We pray we are blessed soon. In the mean time I am working full time and enjoying using the skills the Lord blessed me with whilst also helping my husband to pay off our mortgage so that we can live without debt. Is this wrong? Should I be staying at home slowly growing more and more desperate that I will not have children? I still keep my home in order and cook my husband nutritious meals each day and make sure he is taken care of but that doesnt take up much time. Wouldnt it be worse for me to stay at home being idle for most of the day? I dont wish to live in sin but this is something my husband and I have prayed a lot about and we feel the Lord is directing me to continue working. Is this wrong? If you hadnt been blessed with your children would you honestly be able to stay at home all day?
What do you say?
I will admit- this one is tough for me. She is providing for her husband, is not withholding God's blessing of children, and is in prayer over the situation.
Without trying to sound rude or mean , I will start with saying that just because God allows something doesn't mean that it is the best for us. We see God allows divorce but the Bible clearly states that He hates it! So even tho we CAN do something doesn't mean we are receiving His full blessing or reward.
Titus 2 :5 states that we are to be obedient to our own husbands. If we have to follow a schedule put together by someone else then we are obedient to someone else. Now if you work with your husband that is totally different.
Why not work from home? Is that possible ? Whether it would be doing the job you are doing now or something new? Reupholstering furniture? (Jennie Chauncey does this, tho I don't know if it's a job.)
Remember , you were created to be your husband's helpmeet. He was told to toil on the earth, not you. You were told to be a keeper AT home. This is your divine calling! What a privilege!
I can understand the not wanting to be idle part.
IDLE
1) free from labour, at leisure
2) lazy, shunning the labour which one ought to perform
Gardening is the first thought I had. If you grow your own food instead of buying it you would be healthier and save money. This takes time. Time a working woman doesn't have. Canning it would be great too! Having time to learn to cook great meals would benefit you also.
Sewing? Whether it be clothing or items like curtains, you wouldn't be idle!
Volunteer work?
Learning all about herbal medicine?
Bible study? Leading a study in your home?
Building furniture? How great to say that you built your coffee table yourself!
Study ways to "green up" your home. Learn recipes for homemade cleaners. Hang laundry. Sort recyclables. These take time but are worth it.
These and many other things take up your time so you are not idle. They benefit you and your husband now and your children later.
"The beauty and power of home life is hard to overestimate when a "wise woman builds her house" (Proverbs 14:1). She builds investment and beauty and stability that would make a family say, "There's no place like home." God has appointed a home to be a center of the ministry of the church; a source of peace for all who enter there; a place of hospitality. The home is the fountain of society, and the spring from which flows the members of the church, the ranks of business and the citizens of the realm.
Please understand how important home life really is. O daughters of Zion, see what a piece of heaven you can provide to the weary and lost of this world by making your home a rich and overflowing fountain of the love of Christ. See the importance of a rich home life that sends out happy children to the ends of the earth. See how being a keeper at home makes you a key player in raising the next generation. Understand how you will be filling the earth with worshippers and providing the churches and towns and nations with the knowledge of God."
-Scott Brown, Feminine By Design
As for being desperate for children- my heart aches for you. I really do understand. I have been there. I remember begging for children, telling God that if He didn't give me at least one baby I would die. My heart would stop and I would die. I never cried more. So I am not making light of the situation, trust me.
Have you been trying long? A year is most common to have to wait and that is if everything is perfect.
If there is a problem I am not aware of please forgive me. Is adoption a possibility? If I am being rude, again forgive me. All I can a is to pray like crazy. Not just for a child but for peace. I know the desperation and you need answers from God NOW!
I am sure that I did not answer you fully. I hope I at least gave you food for thought.Submitting to your husband is paramount over what I have written here. Maybe together you will find, what I believe , to be the better path. The one you were created for.
If any of my readers have ideas please share.
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16 comments:
Hi Tami~ Me again, I read this post and the first question I have is does her husband not work?? If he is then they should live on what he makes and she should not be working outside the home. I also am a firm believer in Women being homekeepers and even if you can try and justify why you aren't doesnt' mean it's something you should do. I hold to the Titus 2 scripture. thanks for these posts.
Blessings,Joann
We are not under the law, but God's amazing Grace! If a woman and her husband agree for her to work outside the home, God will honor this and use her to bless and plant seeds in her work place. There are also different seasons in our lives, and right now, it's a season of laboring for the LORD outside the home. Hopefully soon, the season will become one of joyfully blessing God by taking care of her family from her home. God wants our hearts, and as long as we "do it heartily to the Lord, and not to men" Col3:23 He will be glorified and blessed!
It is tough today when extended families are not together because people move a lot; it is hard to stay home in your empty neighborhood because all the neighbor ladies work. It gets very lonely. Lots of wives work just for company, not so much for money. Been there. Modern life makes these Biblical mandates a mental and emotional challenge, that's for sure. I hope she has children soon. Volunteer work is good if there is any in your area, but you don't want to do so much of it that it takes you out of your home as much as a job would.
Emerald- I respectfully disagree with you. The mandate to be a keeper at home is in the NEW Testament. Besides, being under God's grace doesn't give us a license to disregard what He tells us to do.
How do you justify taking one verse to make your point and then ignoring an express command?
Oh my, Emerald. Being under God's amazing grace doesn't give us the freedom to sin "heartily to the Lord." God will not honor sin in our lives, and He is so clear that a woman's place is in the home, it is something we can't deny.
As for the anonymous question, I see how a wife with no children would be tempted to work, pay off debt, etc.
She asked "is this wrong?" According to the Bible, to the LORD, yes it is wrong for a woman to willfully be employed (especially under another man) outside the home. Not being a keeper at home gives others the opportunity to blaspheme God's word.
There was a time I was married and home with no children. I was never bored, there was much to be done. Keeping the house clean took an entire day. A garden (great suggestion!!) would take up a LOT of time, she could host a Bible study, offer cooking classes to young moms in her area, spend a few hours a week helping an elderly couple around their home, etc. The list of what a wife with no children can do to keep herself "busy" is endless.
It's a full time job, being the help meet of a husband, but is such a blessing!
I have to agree, Tami, and I will respectfully say that I am tired of people using the "under grace" excuse for doing whatever. When the Bible says we're not under law, it is talking about Old Testament law. The NEW testament says for women to be keepers at home. When I got married, many people were shocked that I quit my job. They didn't understand why I would stay home when I didn't have any children to care for yet. But I will be forever thankful that I did, as I used that year (just one year...baby number #1 arrived at that point!) to learn new skills that I needed to be a better homemaker. I spent a lot of hours in the kitchen, baking up goodies for my man to come home to. Even without children, there is always plenty to get done around here that will fill my entire day!
Oh my, Emerald. Being under God's amazing grace doesn't give us the freedom to sin "heartily to the Lord." God will not honor sin in our lives, and He is so clear that a woman's place is in the home, it is something we can't deny.
As for the anonymous question, I see how a wife with no children would be tempted to work, pay off debt, etc.
She asked "is this wrong?" According to the Bible, to the LORD, yes it is wrong for a woman to willfully be employed (especially under another man) outside the home. Not being a keeper at home gives others the opportunity to blaspheme God's word.
There was a time I was married and home with no children. I was never bored, there was much to be done. Keeping the house clean took an entire day. A garden (great suggestion!!) would take up a LOT of time, she could host a Bible study, offer cooking classes to young moms in her area, spend a few hours a week helping an elderly couple around their home, etc. The list of what a wife with no children can do to keep herself "busy" is endless.
It's a full time job, being the help meet of a husband, but is such a blessing!
thank you for writing this post. I was the person who wrote that comment. To answer some of your questions my husband and I have been trying now for the 3 years we have been married. We do have some fertility issues that I dont wish to discuss in public but adoption is at this moment something we are looking in to.
I thank you for your suggestions you have given us a lit to think about. At the end of the day we will pray for God's guidance and I will allow my husband to decide whether I should keep working. Emerald thank you also for your kind words I do feel like I am labouring for the Lord outside our home. I know most people reading this would disagree with this.
My husband is also working and we both work hard to pay off our debt as I know that this is something that we shouldnt have either.
I should also add that I do sew, I make baby quilts and take them to the local maternity hospital with bible tracts, I am already quite an acomplished cook and my husband does not go without biscuits and cakes. We have a flourishing vegetable garden that grows everything we need apart from potatoes as we seldom eat those. My husband and I are both active members of a weekly bible study and we volunteer together at a weekly soup kitchen. I feel that I can do all of this as well as work and I am happy to as my husband is happy for me to.
We shall be talking about the suggestions here some more though and I thank you all for your time
I humbly ask you to read judges 4:4-5, the prophetess Deborah in the old testament. God called upon her to judge the nation, and she didn't do it sitting in her house. She would go out and sit under a palm tree in the secure heights of Mount Ephraim. That was the job God called her to do. It is by faith that Jesus is honored.
Emerald- I respectfully ask you to read the following articles:
http://www.visionarywomanhood.com/lessons-deborah-encouraging-male-leadership/
http://www.visionforumministries.org/issues/ballot_box/so_what_about_deborah.aspx
http://www.visionforum.com/news/blogs/doug/2008/10/4431/
and i remind you of this verse:
“As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths” (Isaiah 3:12).
the argument "what about Deborah" is a poor excuse for going against God. Again I say just because God allows it doesn't mean it is right. The men of her time were failing to do their God given roles! She didn't want to do their role- but God used her anyway. And by the way- if she was sitting under own tree, then she was working from home.!
I'm sorry you missed my point about Debborah. In 1994 my husband was at work and was picked up by his neck by an angry employee and was thrown against the side of a wall, crushing his neck and permanently disabiling him, never to work again. We have no children & no one to help us pay for the millions we've had to pay for medical expenses. Medicare helps and so do food stamps, but I had to go to work to keep a roof over our head and provide other necessities. I will never know why God has allowed this, but it was His perfect will for me to go to work. God's Grace is sufficient and it is Amazing and its not an excuse~God's Grace is all we need to please Him. God Bless you
oh Emerald- i am so sorry about your husband!! That's horrible!
Was there no type of settlement that would help with the bills? I don't mean to sound mean but could you sue? for the medical bills at least? I would think so.
I admit- situations like yours really stump me. I have a friend in a nearly identical situation as yours, and she went to work too.
I don't believe it is God's best for women to work outside the home. I don't believe our salvation depends on it tho.
I don't claim to have all the answers, tho I try to ~smile
I know one woman who became a real estate agent. She sets her schedule so as to be home when she needs to be etc.
Of course there is working from home in a variety of things.
If you feel led to change to a work from home position, I would pray like crazy for God to open doors!
I don't wish to come off as smug or know it all. I realize the world is a sinful place and now we are left to deal with it as best as we can .
Again, I am sorry to hear about your husband.
Wow - what a challenging subject. You gave me lots of food for thought here. I guess I wonder if there is some room for disagreement here - because this may just be a 'disputable matter' as in Romans 14. We each should form our own convictions and follow them - and be careful about mandating others to follow our personal convictions. We muddy the waters when we blend Biblical convictions (ones that are explicit in Scripture - like not committing adultery), with our personal convictions. There is a delineation of sorts between the two. Still, the matter is worth looking into. I had never considered many of these thoughts.
Touchy subject. I do notice that on the blogs, the strictest ones about women staying home no matter what spend a lot of time on the guest speaker circuit (who is at home minding the children) getting an honorarium (money) and expenses paid. I think a wife being a keeper at home is a "general principle" rather than a law like not committing adultery, for not even in Paul's day always had the ability to do it (slave women, for example, who could not obtain their freedom, but who were Christians). Peoples' circumstances are different. I'm sorry, very sorry, about Emerald's husband. That is terrible. Surely the company where he was hurt could pay something for not protecting their employees. This is terrible. Yes, situations like this stump everybody and they are more common than you would think.
When I became a wife at 32 (finally!) that was the end of working for another employer. My husband is my "boss" and I cannot Biblically put myself under the authority of another person. That being said, I can earn money, as the Prov. 31 wife did, still under the authority of her husband. The Bible doesn't single out "mothers" to be keepers at home, either. And after years of marriage, I am still not a mother, by God's design.
(As a sidenote, the Bible says "wives" to be keepers at home, not "women." Big difference.)
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